HI, I’M HARRIET 💛

I’ve worked within SEN for around 18 years.

I’ve worked in nurseries, been a SENCO, worked within specialist provisions and special schools, and supported children with a huge range of needs.

 

But Regulate & Relate didn’t really begin with my professional experience.

It began when SEN became personal.

 

 

MY OWN DIAGNOSIS

 

I was diagnosed autistic at 27.

Getting that diagnosis helped me understand so much about myself, but it didn’t suddenly give me all the answers.

 

I spent years trying to understand why certain things were so difficult for me and finding practical strategies that might help.

And I kept experiencing the same thing.

 

Something would work… until it didn’t.

I’d find advice online, try a recommended strategy or put something new in place. It might help for a while, and then suddenly it wouldn’t.

 

Something still didn’t quite fit.

Then I became a mum.

 

 

BECOMING A PARENT CHANGED EVERYTHING

 

I absolutely adore being Luna’s mum, but I struggled with the sheer amount I was trying to hold.

Parenting. Work. The house. My own wellbeing. The constant mental load of everyday life.

 

Eventually I started questioning whether what I was experiencing could really be explained by autism and the normal challenges of becoming a parent.

It couldn’t.

 

At 34, I was diagnosed with ADHD too.

Suddenly, another piece of my own puzzle made sense.

 

And at around the same time, I was beginning to notice things about Luna.

 

“WE DON’T SEE IT HERE.”

 

By around 18 months old, I knew there were differences.

After years of working with children and within SEN, there were little things I noticed — including tiptoe walking, hand flapping and differences in the way Luna was developing and experiencing the world.

 

But Luna didn’t fit neatly into a textbook description.

When she went into nursery, I began hearing a sentence that so many parents will recognise:

 

“We don’t see it here.”

I spoke to professionals. I raised concerns. Generic assessments didn’t capture what I was seeing.

 

But I kept going.

Not because I wanted there to be something “wrong” with my daughter.

 

Because I knew my child.

Over time, preschool began noticing some of the differences I had been describing too.

 

Eventually, through the Right to Choose pathway, Luna was diagnosed autistic with a demand-avoidant profile.

There was relief in finally having that recognition.

 

But there was another problem.

Where was the actual support?

 

 

WHEN THE STRATEGY DOESN’T FIT THE CHILD

 

We were given strategies to try.

Some didn’t work at all.

 

Others worked briefly and then stopped.

And I began to understand something that has become central to everything I now do:

 

THE CHILD SHOULDN’T HAVE TO FIT THE STRATEGY. THE STRATEGY NEEDS TO FIT THE CHILD.

Luna isn’t simply “an autistic child”.

 

She is Luna.

She has her own sensory differences. She has demand avoidance. She has suspected ADHD. She needs predictability, but she also needs flexibility and spontaneity. She needs autonomy. She has her own interests, motivators, communication style and ways of regulating.

 

Yet so much of what I could find was generic.

Generic visual schedules. Generic regulation strategies. Generic advice.

 

It wasn’t designed for Luna.

So I started creating things that were.

 

 

LOOKING AT THE WHY

 

Using my SEN background, my lived experience of being autistic and ADHD, and what I was learning from Luna, I started adapting and developing resources around the actual child in front of me.

Instead of simply asking:

 

“How do I stop this behaviour?”

I started looking underneath it.

 

Why is this happening?

What might her nervous system be communicating?

 

Is there too much uncertainty?

Does she need more autonomy?

 

Is there a sensory need underneath this?

Is the demand bigger than it appears?

 

Does she understand what’s coming next?

Does she actually have the capacity for what is being asked of her right now?

 

That way of looking at behaviour became fundamental to Regulate & Relate.

 

THEN I UNDERSTOOD SEN FROM THE OTHER SIDE

 

Before becoming a mum, I had years of professional SEN experience.

What I didn’t have was an understanding of what it felt like to be the parent on the other side of the table.

 

Now I do.

I know what it feels like to say:

 

“Something isn’t right.”

…and feel as though nobody is really listening.

 

I know what it’s like when your child doesn’t tick enough boxes.

When they cope somewhere else and unravel with you.

 

When you’re told to try strategies you’ve already tried.

When you’re waiting months — sometimes years — for assessments or support.

 

When you’re constantly researching because you feel as though, if you don’t work it out, nobody else will.

And I know how incredibly lonely that can feel.

 

That experience completely changed the way I support families.

 

WHY REGULATE & RELATE EXISTS

 

I wanted to create the kind of support I had been searching for.

Support that doesn’t begin with:

 

“How do we get this child to comply?”

But instead asks:

 

“What’s happening for this child — and WHY?”

Support that understands that two autistic children can need completely different things.

 

Support that considers sensory needs, communication, autonomy, predictability, demand, capacity and the wider environment.

Support that listens to the parent who knows their child.

 

And practical resources that are designed around the individual child, rather than expecting the child to adapt to a generic resource.

I bring together three perspectives:

 

PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE. LIVED NEURODIVERGENT EXPERIENCE. PARENTAL EXPERIENCE.

All three matter.

 

But becoming Luna’s mum gave everything else a completely different meaning.

Regulate & Relate exists because of my professional experience.

 

It exists because of my own diagnoses.

But, most importantly, it exists because of Luna. 💛

 

HELPING YOU UNDERSTAND YOUR CHILD AND FEEL UNDERSTOOD TOO.